Archive for the ‘lonliness’ Category

Friends fade away like falling leaves,

Drifting through the snow;

You never know how fast they fall,

Until they let you go.


If friends you have in summer sun,

You’ll surely hear them tell,

“I love it here with you my friend,

I like it very well.”


If friends you find when spring time comes,

Dance in gentle rain.

Enjoy the flowers while you may,

For they won’t long remain.


Fall will bring friends close to you,

For warmth and cheerful air,

They’ll tell you they will always love;

Of their words beware.


If in the winter, friends you hold,

They’ll smother soon in snow,

They’ll turn their back on summer time,

And let the flowers go.


Cold as ice, and wind, and rain,

The ending oh so near.

Pain and strife like winter’s knife,

Soon make it very clear:


Friends fade away like falling leaves,

Drifting through the snow.

You never know how fast they fall,

Until they let you go.



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On a crowded street in the downtown area of some large and busy city stood a little girl, dressed in a bright yellow dress. She stands, unmoving, amidst the ever moving crowd of tall men in dark suits, on their way to somewhere important. No one notices her, for she is just a little girl, insignificant, with yellow ribbons in her golden hair. In her hand she carries a large wooden box, holding it close to herself. This is a very special box, for in it she keeps her heart. She has journeyed downtown today on a mission: to find someone who will take care of her heart. The time had come when she could no longer care for it alone. She needed help, and hoped to find that help soon. Gathering her courage she walked in front of a tall man in a blue suit, who looked less important than the rest. She offered up her box with a shy smile. To her surprise, the man didn’t even see her, and kept on walking. Disappointed, the young girl tried again, this time with a man in a brown suit who looked less busy than the rest. She ran up to him, struggling to keep pace with his fast stride. She stopped in front of him. With a big grin on her face she proudly showed him her box. The man pushed her roughly aside, nearly causing her to drop her precious burden. The child began to worry, and tried offering her box to first one man, and then to another, and another. Frantically running around the mass of somber men on that busy downtown street. She began to despair; no one wanted her heart.

A short time later she saw a man in a grey suit walking toward her in the crowd, his suit is stained. He seemed friendly and less rude than the rest, so she decided to try again. She timidly walked up to the man, and shyly offered him her box. To her great surprise, the man smiled and took the box from her outstretched arms. Oh what joy! Someone who wanted her heart had finally come. The two clasped hands and walked happily down the street together. At first the young lady didn’t ask any questions of her friend, but finally she decided to speak to him about how to care for her heart. She opened her mouth to speak, but the words were empty, her voice was not heard. He didn’t seem to mind, he just whispered sweet nothings in her ear and held her close. She tried again, this time more forcefully, to talk about what needed to be done to care for her heart. The man in the stained grey suit didn’t hear a word, for he didn’t truly know how to protect and nurture her heart. He realized that she would not settle for less than the best care, which he was not willing to put forth the effort to give. After walking only a few blocks together down the busy street, the man roughly grabbed the special box, held it high in the air and threw it to the ground where it, and its contents, were dashed to pieces. He quickly vanished into the crowd.

The little girl was devastated. She sank to the ground, her blue eyes filling with tears as she surveyed the damage. The wooden box lay shattered in a bloody mess on the ground. She sobbed as her trembling hands tried to pick up the pieces…there were so many. The men were still hurrying by, barely making an effort to avoid stepping on her broken heart. She cried uncontrollably as slowly she found one small piece at a time. She put the largest of these in the front pocket of her now bloodstained yellow dress, to keep it safe. She sat there through the night, weeping, too broken to move; afraid to leave her heart alone in it’s unprotected state.

As morning came and the sun rose, there was no hope for the sad, lonely girl. She had not stopped crying since the night before, and no one had come to help her. She had long since given up on picking up the pieces, which still lay spread on the ground before her. A single tear rolled silently down her cheek. As she sat staring into the emptyness she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. It was a man, dressed in a white suit. He had kind eyes and a reassuring smile. “My child, why are you crying?” He asked. She kept her eyes lowered, ashamed, unable to meet his gaze. The kind man gently placed his hand under her chin and raised her head up, looking into her fearful eyes and again asking, “Dear child, why do you cry?” The little girl swallowed, and attempted to speak, but no words would come, only a rush of silent tears. The man patiently asked a third time, “My precious one, what is the cause of your sadness?”

Finally the little girl found her voice, “I cry because my heart is broken, and there is no one to fix it.” The tears flowed freely. She expected the man to ignore her, but he just wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tightly as she wept. When her sobs finally quieted, she pulled back and looked at him, shocked to find that the kind man was also crying. Wiping a tear from the tip of her nose, He spoke, “I’m sorry, my child, that this hurt had to happen, but I can fix your broken heart, if you will give it to me.” The girl was uncertain, but he was so gentle, and seemed to genuinely care for her, and for her heart. “I will help you to pick up the pieces,” he said. The sad girl tearfully nodded and the two slowly began to gather up the pieces together. He took a white silk cloth from his suit and gently placed the little bits of her heart on it, careful to remove the splinters that had come from the wooden box.

They worked side by side, quietly picking up the pieces and putting them back together. The man was silent, and peaceful, and took great care in his work. The girl enjoyed being in his presence; it was very comforting to be near him. The task took them most of the day, and when it was nearly finished the man spoke, “Dear one, there is still a piece missing.” The little girl looked at him, and shook her head. She knew that there was still one part left in the pocket of her dress, but she didn’t think he’d want that one, and she didn’t want to give it to him. The gentle man gave her a knowing look, “My beloved, I have to have all the pieces of your heart to mend it.” She reluctantly reached into her pocket and took out the last lonely piece and handed it to him. He gently placed the final piece on the cloth with the rest of her heart, leaned down, and breathed on it. The pieces began to melt together, slowly becoming one, as if they’d never seen hardship. The little girl was distressed, but she trusted this man, and when his work was done, her heart was like new. “It is finished,” he said. She reached down to pick up her heart, but he stayed her hand. “Wait,” he said. He walked a few feet away and returned carrying an alabaster box. “Place your precious heart in here, dear one, it has my Name on it. Your heart will be safe if you give it to me.” She bent down and picked up the white silk cloth and gently placed it in His alabaster box, her eyes smiling with gratitude.

The young girl was very happy that her heart was now whole, though she was uncertain of what to do next. She looked at her companion inquiringly; he already knew what was on her mind. “Come, walk with me down the street,” he said. “I will guide your steps so that you will not stumble and damage your priceless treasure.” She nodded and they started walking through the crowd together. As they continued on their way, several men turned their hungry eyes in the girl’s direction, glaring at the strong man who walked with her and carried her young heart under one protective arm. Frightened, the little girl took her companion’s hand, clinging to him tightly. She worriedly looked up into his clear eyes, and he laughed, “Do not be afraid, they cannot harm you, as long as you walk with me. The box has my Name on it, they cannot take your heart without my permission.” She was relieved, but still a question remained. He knew. “I will help you,” he said, “to find someone to give your heart to, but you must trust me to show him to you.” She nodded and they walked on silently as before, no longer heeding the furtive glances from the crowd. After a few minutes the man asked, “Would you like to carry your heart for a while?” The little girl replied with a shy smile, “No thank you, I know now that I cannot take care of it by myself. It’s safest when it’s in your hands.” He smiled a kind and gentle smile, which she returned. The little girl knew that her heart would be protected, and that she would never again be alone. And so they walked, hand in hand, in companionable silence down the still crowded street.

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I was watching Smallville the other day…in this particular episode Clark Kent comes down with some weird disease from inhaling dust from the meteor rocks. While he was unconscious, Chloe Sullivan came to visit him. She truly cares for him, but will fervently deny it. She decided to pour out her feelings to Clark in a letter. This is the letter that Chloe read to Clark while he was lying sick and unconscious.

I want to let you in on a little secret, Clark. I’m not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin, I’m surprised you haven’t seen right through me. I’m the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. Sometimes I want to rip off this façade like I did at the Spring Formal, but I can’t because you’ll get scared and run away again. So I decided that it’s better to live with the lie than expose my true feelings. My dad told me there are two types of girls: the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into. I really hope I’m the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I’ll let you go for now, hoping one day you’ll fly back to me. Because I think you’re worth the wait.

I thought it was very sweet, and I can relate to this at times. (Why is Clark after Lana anyway? Chloe is so much better!) Trying to be a good friend to all of my friends…hoping to become a super special man’s best friend, without being overlooked. I suppose it’s just something that was on my mind lately. Ciao.

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    Have You Seen My Love?

By Rosie Thomas

Have you seen my love and Is he far away?
Have you seen the one for me whose face lights up my day?
I won’t let one boy steal a kiss or call me his, instead I’ll wait
for his voice to call out to mine and carry these daydreams away.

Have you seen my love and is he far away?
Have you seen the one for me who won’t let me get away?
Please tell him that I’m waiting for him, praying for him night and day.
For now I’ll be a lonely girl just longing for his sweet embrace.

A friend shared this song with me, and it’s absolutely beautiful. Simplistic, but lovely, and hopeful. 🙂

I was looking at my previous post…and I sound so emo! I’m not really like that…I’m usually pretty cheerful and upbeat. I guess I was just having a bad day for some reason… Lately though I’ve been feeling much better. There are still some things that are gnawing at the edges of my sanity…but I know God has them under control. I have a sense of peace and contentedness that is very reassuring, and good friends who encourage me daily. I try be content in life and know that God has things under control. And when you’re frustrated…give someone a hug and a smile, it usually makes me feel better. 🙂

Something that’s really neat…is getting to see how God works in our lives. There are situations and circumstances that I’ve been confused about in the past, but as I’ve gotten through them, things have made so much more sense. I can look back and say, “Ohhhh, I see…that’s why you did that God…thanks!” lol. (And I’m sort of rambling, but oh well…) Anywho…I feel pretty good today, though tired, but encouraged. Thanks God. 🙂

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I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if I seem a tad irritable this week and weekend.

My parent’s car insurance expired and I am on their policy…Dad is driving Pop’s car, so it’s ok that their insurance has expired but I, unfortunately, now have no insurance. I’m sorry if I’m a little worried.

I have an audition tomorrow at USF that I feel drastically unprepared for. The clarinet scholarships are no longer available, they would have been if I’d auditioned last week, but I never got the emails from the instructor with the time/location for the audition. So I’m rather irritated about that. I’m sorry if I seem tense.

There’s this guy I’m interested in…he knows I’m interested, but I have no idea what he’s thinking at all. Maybe he’s interested, but isn’t ready for a relationship, or doesn’t know if it’s God’s will for him to have interest in me. Or maybe he’s not interested at all, and doesn’t know how to tell me. Whatever the case may be…I’m slightly confused. (And he’s very flirtatious too.) I’m trying to figure out how to be friends and get to know him, while still giving him space, without scaring him away completely. But we are friends, and he’s been hanging out with me and with my siblings a fair amount recently, and I’m very very thankful for that. I’m sorry, my friend, for being such a silly girl.

My hormones are going crazy and I’m feeling kind of depressed. Nothing particularly drastic going on that would cause me to be so depressed, but I’m just feeling kind of down, lonely, and tired. I just need a hug, or a snuggle. I’m sorry if I’m not as cheerful as usual.

I’m almost done with school and I’m not sure what to do next year for housing, or even for a career. I think I’m going to USF, but maybe music education isn’t what God is calling me to. Maybe he wants me to me a music minister kind of thing in a church, or maybe I’m supposed to go into something like…counseling. I don’t know for certain yet. And I’m not sure if I will be living at the condo next year, or if I’ll be in a dorm. I know I can’t really go back to my house, so I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry for being so indecisive.

Lord Jesus! Please help me to be cheerful and be joyful in you! I know you have everything in your hands, but sometimes life gets so complicated and stressful. Let me know your will for my life, close doors on the places you don’t want me to go, and help me to find the open doors quickly. Send me the people who you want to influence me, and send me to the people who I am supposed to influence. I praise your wonderful name! Amen!

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