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Part 1 – The redefinition of words to create something else to control and be offended by.

Feminist. You probably have strong feelings when you hear/read this word. What image comes to mind when you think about a feminist? Chances are, this word conjures up either the image of a social justice warrior, fighting to defend the rights of the oppressed women of America, or a fat and ugly free-bleeder who eats men for breakfast. Whatever your opinion in this, I want you to know two things:

  1. I support women’s rights to equality (not that women are the same as men, but should have equal opportunities.)
  2. I do not call myself a feminist.

feminazis

The Redefining of Words

There are many reasons why I do not call myself a feminist, but one that has been on my mind recently (and is fairly easy to address) is that modern feminism relies strongly on the redefining of words and manipulation to encourage young women to view all their problems as a result of oppression and misogyny and not due to any other factors.

Some words that have been modified recently:

  • Friendzoned – I do not know who decided that this word was somehow an attack on women, but it is not. The word itself simply describes when a person (typically a man) has invested time/money/emotion into a girl and has discovered that the girl is only interested in friendship. It is my personal opinion that women tend to invest more in relationships with men that they do not intend to become romantic (“just friends”) than men tend to. A girl might simply think that the guy who stays up late texting her, goes to the mall with her, listens to her cry, and buys her snacks, is just doing what any other friend would do. In my experience, guys do not tend to do things like this for a girl unless they are at least mildly interested in her, and if they start out that way, they will at some time be interested in a relationship, even if he never admits it. Girls, on the other hand, tend to like to talk and can be very comfortable investing time and energy into a friendship with a boy they have no intention of having a romantic relationship with. There is nothing wrong with these tendencies. Girls should try to be more considerate and realize that they may, in fact, be unintentionally signaling to a guy that they are interested when thay are not.

  Somehow, modern feminists have come to the conclusion that a guy saying he was “freindzoned” means that somehow the woman owes him something. What? No. Just no. The concept of wooing a woman may be foreign to Americans, but the idea is that you spend time with someone and do nice things for them in an attempt to get them to like you, not to say that they owe you anything! If you are reading this and thinking “Well, I had this one guy who was like, you need to sleep with me because I was there for you when you were sad!” etc. then that speaks VOLUMES to the type of man that YOU choose to spend time with. I have placed several interested men in the friend category (some without realizing they were interested) and not once have I had someone act as though they owed me anything. Could it be that they were upstanding and respectable guys? No! Never! Men are pigs! But really, if this happens to you, it might be that you lead them on (perhaps unintentionally) or that you make terrible friendship choices.

  • Slut – I saw this one described the other day as “attacking a woman for her right to say yes.” *blinkblink* Just because you have a right to say yes does not mean you aren’t a terrible person for saying yes to every guy who asks. Generally the term is used to describe women (and sometimes men) who are easy (as in, have had sexual interactions with multiple non-serious partners, willing to kiss any guy, etc.) OR who dress to show off far more skin on a regular basis than is generally considered socially acceptable. We live in a society where telling someone that they are wrong is taboo, and heaven forbid a young person ever have to feel shame for their actions.

    It’s like that Kaepernick guy; he has a right to sit for the anthem, but I also have a right to say he’s a dingbat for doing so.

  • Bossy – There is actually a campaign to ban the word bossy. Really. The website for this campaign says “When a little boy asserts himself, he’s called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded “bossy.” Words like bossy send a message: don’t raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead.” Bull. Crap. I taught middle school and I have not experienced this phenomenon, it is quite the opposite, in reality. When leaving notes to substitutes, or appointing leaders in my classroom, I usually have to make sure that I have at least one boy on the list, because there is an abundance of girls who are able and willing to lead. I can think of maybe 7 or 8 boys (our of 180 students) who would volunteer to lead or do something. Usually only one in each class.

 The word bossy is defined as: “inclined to domineer (dictatorial), liking to order people around.” A LEADER does not simply tell people what to do; a leader leads by example, encourages and inspires those around them to follow their example, and generally takes the initiative to do something about a problem. A bossy person simply tells people what they should do, “We should play THIS game!” or “No, no, no! When I make my doll say this, you’re supposed to say…” or “Give me some of your candy.” Now, I know that this word is most often applied to girls and I am not entirely sure why, but here are some similar words boys get called: insolent, pushy, arrogant, domineering, aggressive, controlling, cocky, cocksure, high-and-mighty, patronizing, pretentious, pompous, and pig-headed. The connotation of the word bossy indicates that the person thinks they are smarter or they know better than others, and want everyone to do as they say. For a boy, in a world where girls tend to outshine them in the classroom from an early age, putting forth the effort to speak up and risk embarrassment takes a lot of courage. A student who leads and says, “I think this would be a good way to do X” is using their skills and trying to do the best they can, whereas a kid saying “No, we have to do it this way!” is bossy. There is a distinction. Banning the word “bossy” is not going to help a little girl’s self-esteem.

Do you know what would help women boost their self-esteem? If girls’ magazines were not strictly geared to looks, getting boyfriends, and being sexy/sexual. Instead, why not fill magazines with things like: how to be a good friend, how to dress in ways that flatter your body type, how to succeed in male-dominated careers (or tips on careers that might be difficult for women due to physical limitations), health care tips, what colors complement your skin tone, manners, easy and healthy recipes, tips on job interviews, crafts, tips for young mothers, how to be a good wife, how to spot a man who might not be good for you, quick/easy household organization tips, etc. As a youngun, I LOVED the American Girl magazine. It was great! There were stories, crafts, paper dolls, tips on manners and advice on how to handle tough situations. It was a wonderful resource; they also published tip books, stories about courageous girls (Felicity was my favorite), and had dolls for sale. Unfortunately, few magazines these days are like this.

Instead of redefining words, why not redefine our culture? How about we teach women to respect themselves; that they don’t have to wear five pounds of makeup, have sex, or show off their bodies to be beautiful. Or that it’s ok to say NO to a guy who is interested, and that not having a boyfriend at age 13 does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Or that just because you are waiting for marriage to have sex it does not make you a prude. Maybe we should honor those women who choose to be a stay-at-home-mom or housewife as much as we honor and respect those who choose to pursue a career. Perhaps we should stop insulting women who actually enjoy domestic activities like cooking, and at the same time encourage/empower those who are not great at those domestic activities so that they know they don’t have to be, and know that they have help if they want to learn.

When I was in middle school I was bullied badly. I was chubby, I was (and am) a Christian and did not do some of the things other kids did, I liked reading and nerdy things like Star Trek, and I did not dress like everyone else (partly because I could not afford it, partly because I was modest and not so interested in what was fashionable). I was made fun of for not having a boyfriend; kids would tease me and try to ask me who I liked, or who I would go out with. If my response was “I don’t know him” I was told “You get to know him, that’s what having a boyfriend is for.” I was called fat and ugly, and lost “friends” because I didn’t dress popularly. I even lost friends because I chose not to lie to my parents: I went to a friend’s house and she wanted to watch the movie Stigmata, something I knew I would not have been allowed to watch, but I also did not want to watch it anyway (still don’t). “Your parents won’t know” was the only response my friend gave to my objections. Our friendship pretty much ended that day. In college I was occasionally called a prude, mostly by guys who I was friends with where there was mutual interest, but not the compatibility necessary to justify starting a relationship. Just because two people are attracted to each other does not mean you MUST date, or that you would be good long-term, or that you need to make out. In the long run, I think I have gained respect because I did not have dozens of boyfriends (went on a few dates, though only one lead to a relationship), did not dress immodestly, and held to my standards. Have I made mistakes? You betcha. Many things I wish that I had not done, or had done differently. Did I sometimes compromise? A few times, and I regret it completely.

Changing the mindset of Americans will do far more for young girls than it will to change the words that we use to describe the mindset. The Bible definitely got it right: Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Changing the words we use will not change the hearts of the people that use them.

Check out this article on 8 Ways Fascist Feminists are Ruining America’s Women.

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My boyfriend Justin is so wonderful, do you want to know why?

Justin is sweet, romantic, and dorky. He whispers sweet nothings in my ears and tells me cute things. Justin is a very handsome man, tall and slender, with beautifully sad green eyes. He leaves me sweet texts and messages on facebook, tells me I’m beautiful, and he picks flowers for me for no particular reason. 🙂 One of the first sweet messages he sent me, while he was working overnight security: “Good morning fair maiden. I kept watch over your kingdom during the night, now the day is yours and I must rest. Go forth and bless the land with your grace.” *sigh*

He is very protective of me, and is always wary when it comes to other guys. I really appreciate his protectiveness and slight jealousy over my attention; it makes me feel valued. I feel safe when I am with him, when I’m wrapped in his arms…there is no place I like to be better than snuggled up close to him, safe and warm. ^.^

He is a strong Christian and desires to please God with his actions. He is also a prayer; he always prays before meals and he often prays with me. He also prays for me when I am not there, and I really like that a lot. He is trustworthy and honest, a man of his word. I have no fear when I talk to him; when I ask if something is wrong (or whatever) I don’t have to worry that he is holding something back from me; if there is something he needs in our relationship that he isn’t getting, he tells me. I also know that I can trust him around other women…he keeps his mind clean, and doesn’t even pay attention to anyone else. Communication is highly important in a relationship, and I think that we communicate very well. If there is something bothering one of us, we can talk about it easily. Whatever it is, we’re comfortable discussing it because we want to keep our relationship healthy. I think it is very refreshing to have someone who can be so honest and open with me. We are also going to start doing devotionals together soon; just another step to keep our relationship strong and God-centered. 🙂

Something fun about Justin is that he is Jewish, or as he would say, “Jew-‘ish’.” He uses random Yiddish phrases fairly often and it makes me giggle. He is very funny! He likes puns a lot and will often go off on a long string of them. He is a drama kid, does some amusing impressions, and frequently writes comedy with his roommate. The two of them are hilarious together!

A neat thing is that he also likes the Medieval and Renaissance time periods; we actually met at a Ren Faire (through a friend), and have been back several times together. Of course we went in costume! I wore a medieval dress and he wore his kilt! 😀 (The first text he sent me was a picture he took while in Ireland…we want to go there someday together.) When we visited his family up north over Christmas break he showed me his sword collection, and we brought back his little gaming figures that he had painted; he did a nice job on them. They are from Lord of the Rings! He really likes LotR, and Princess Bride, and things like that. We often use quotes from our favorite fantasy epics and science fiction shows. We both enjoy sci-fi television shows; we watch an episode of Stargate every time we get a chance. (I haven’t seen very many of them, so we’re working our way through the seasons.) Next up: Star Trek!

Something that really makes Justin stand out from other guys is his sensitivity to my needs and desires. He is always checking on me to make sure that I am ok, that I have what I need in our relationship, and that I am provided for in the ways that make me happy. He often buys gasoline for me, goes places with me when he’s had little sleep, helps me eat healthier food, and makes sure that he has paid enough attention to me. On those days when I’ve overtired or feeling hormonal he takes very good care of me too! He knows how to calm me down when I’m stressed out, and can always cheer me up when I’m feeling sad. And when past memories make me emo, or I’m bothered by some guy, he is very understanding and patient with me.)He always knows the right thing to say, and his hugs and nuzzles make everything better! ^.^ He is also very observant of things that I need or want. For my birthday he bought me a wooden pennywhistle. I had mentioned once somewhere in the beginning of our friendship that I would like to have one someday, and he got it for me! 😀 For Christmas he bought the third book in the Eragon books, and also got me some plastic eld ears. I know it’s silly, but I thought it was cute!

It’s rare these days to find a guy as responsible and hard working as my love is. He works long hours overnight doing security at his school, and has worked twenty-four hour shifts before, just so he could have off to go somewhere with me. He always takes pride in his grades, and works hard to make sure that he gets all his school work done and makes good grades in his classes. He keeps a schedule, and doesn’t just do things willy-nilly and irresponsibly like many college guys do. And even when he has a lot of work to do, he still makes time for me to meet my needs as well. He’s amazing!

I really appreciate that Justin is also very willing to do things that I ask him to do; like sing, or cook. He’s not a musician (I am a music education major) but he has a nice voice, and he likes Renaissance/Folk music almost as much as I do. I’ve asked him to sing more often, because I like it, and so he does. 🙂 I also think it is a good thing that he learn how to cook, and he agrees that it is a necessary skill, so he always helps me in the kitchen and is very willing to learn how to cook yummy food, so that someday in the future (if we marry) he will be able to take care of me and of any children we might have. Lately I’ve been trying to lose some weight and get in shape; a few times a week I go walking/jogging with some friends in the morning. Justin often goes with me because he is very supportive of anything I really want to do; he’s always been that way. He is encouraging in my efforts to be healthy, he supports my work as a composer, and keeps me from feeling too down when music stuff at school is irritating. He attends church, family gatherings, and random events that I ask him to go to. He comes to church picnics, my sibling’s concerts, and whatever it is that I ask him to go to. He’s so wonderful!

It makes me happy too that he gets along with my family. He and my father have theological and intellectual conversations, and my siblings always jump on him and give him a big hug when they see him. It is reassuring to know that my family really likes him. I think if I don’t marry him that my dad just might! He enjoys spending time with them I think, and I feel comfortable enough to leave him alone with my family. Hehe. 🙂

I know it’s silly, but I like the fact that he is nerdy, and very intelligent. We find sci-fi to watch, video games to play, and nerdy things to download. He is very good with computers and internet stuff, and is so very smart. We discuss interesting hypotheses about things and have fun being dorky together. We also talk about theology and history and music. It’s nice to have someone smart to talk to who is always willing to listen to whatever silly thing you have to say.

You may have heard of the book, The Five Love Languages, by Chapman. It’s a really interesting read. There are five main love languages, and if you can figure out which ones you and your friends identify with most it is very helpful. Justin and I share the same top three love languages, though we all use all five of them; quality time, physical affection, and words of affirmation. He is very good about spending time with me, telling me things that make me feel loved, and he is very affectionate. He is so sweet and tender, sometimes just a kiss on the cheek can make me melt. :’)

Justin is such an amazing boyfriend, and is my best friend. I love him so very much! We are coming up on our eleven month-a-versary in a few day, and I hope that we can be together for many years to come. He is such a precious gift from God. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing us together. Thank you, Justin, my handsome sweet prince, for being so wonderful to me. I love you!

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