Loneliness in winter…

It’s a beautiful morning today, Absoultely gorgeous! Cold weather is settling in, and I can wear my warm boots and fuzzy jackets. Coffee, hot chocolate, warm fireplaces, spices, Christmas trees, family events…but inevitably comes the November Numbness. Round about November every year people go a little loopy and lonely. Those that are taken are filled with excitement about holiday plans with their sweetheart. Those who aren’t are sickened by it, and are longing for someone to snuggle by the fire with in the cold weather, to share holiday memories with…and I guess I get that way too. I was feeling rather lonely today. Just in need of some companionship. And right when I needed a smile, Deanna sent me a message. Thanks Deefer! 

I do take consolation in knowing that every lonely winter is just another season that God is taking to grow myself and my future husband into who we are meant to be. So that, when the time comes, we will be right for each other, and the story God is writing for us will be the most perfect love song ever told. This winter I’m going to try and focus on making memories with my family and good friends, and look forward to the future…hot cocoa, Christmas lights and long nights in front of a fire, snuggled up with my love.

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Namby-Pamby

I was thinking the other day about how tired I am of namby-pamby Christians (and people in general) who won’t stand up for what they believe. People who think abortion is wrong, yet say it’s ok to be pro-choice. It’s like the old example: if you don’t believe in slavery, don’t own one. Yet the government stepped in and stopped slavery. If you don’t like abortion, you don’t have to have one. So why shouldn’t the government step in and stop abortion? Sometimes the moral conscience of the people as a whole isn’t enough. Sometimes something needs to be done. Today is silence against abortion day. I can’t really participate in that, though I’d like to (lessons and classes where I need to talk), but just keep those in authority who would have say in this matter in your prayers. (In 1995 there were 1,210,883 legal abortions.)

Ok, ok, I’ll get off the abortion schtick…for now. But my point is, if we believe strongly in something, why don’t we stand up for it?!?! If you’re a Christian, talk like it, act like it. Don’t say and do the things that the world does. Get rid of the bad language, get rid of premarital sex, stand against the things the Bible is against… Ugh. There is a spiritual battle going on that we need to fight, but we can’t only fight in the spiritual world. Spiritual warriors by night, namby-pamby Christians who hide themselves by day. Just think about it.

Note: This is not directed at anyone specific, it’s just irritation at the general Christian population as I have seen it for many years. People in highschool, middle school, television, etc. who claim to love Jesus but still look like the world, and don’t care that they are misrepresenting the rest of us. That’s all. Not an attack, but a defense; not a calling out, but a calling to step up.

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A satisfying Saturday…

Nothing epic to report today, but so far it has been a rather Satisfying Saturday. I got to sleep in this morning (for once). I woke up to the sound of Josh’s parakeet (Tweetums…) chirping at the morning, sun streaming through the window. Read a few chapters in the Bible, and had a little time to think. I got out of bed and cooked breakfast and did some dishes while listening to the “Kid’s Kingdom” and Adventures in Odyssey on Spirit FM. Erin (my housemate) and I ate a satisfying breakfast of sausage and eggs. I had coffee… 😀 We cleaned out our cars, I put some laundry away and Erin cleaned up the avalanche of newspapers. lol. Now we’re sitting and listening to some Christian music (a great Praise & Worship CD I have. Right now “He knows my name” is playing.) I’m blogging and Erin’s cutting out some coupons. (lol at Erin…) I’ve been able to think and talk to God some today. Not praying by definition, but telling God things, thanking him, occasionally asking for things.

One of the things I’ve asked God for today was that he would show me his love in new and amazing ways today. I know he loves me, he died for me, and I’m not going to question that. I don’t want to say, “I’ll know you love me if you do this…” But I want to say that I know He loves me because of all that he’s already done, and that he’s taking care of my future. But I ask him that he reveal his love in new and amazing ways, and that He’ll help me draw closer to him. (I haven’t been reading and praying as much as I really should be.)

An interesting verse that I found this morning…

• 2 Corinthians 7:10-11. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done…”

I’ve made the distinction before between guilt and conviction, but I don’t think I’ve ever really noticed this verse before. It’s pretty neat. God has the Holy spirit convict us of our sins so that we may lead an untroubled life, filled with hope and good character; a life filled with closeness to Him.

• Proverbs 19:23 “The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”
• Romans 5:2b-5 “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

That’s about it for today so far. I’m planning on practicing my clarinet and oboe for a while, then maybe going to dinner with Dad, and then off to his spiritual warfare Bible study. Woot! And tomorrow I have worship team practice, church service (obviously), and then the worship team is having a Barbecue thing…so I’ll get to hang out with Brian, Mrs. Morgan, Erin, Paul, and Peter! Woot! I love them, they are some pretty cool people. It’s nice to finally have some friends at church. (I had one good friend, but she moved away. I was friends with her sisters, but we never saw anything eye-to-eye, and we just dont relate well anymore.)  Erin is my roommate, a musician friend from school, who now goes to church with me. Paul and Peter are brothers who’ve been going to the church longer than my family has, but for some reason I didn’t connect with them until recently. Brian…I walked into church one morning when I wasn’t singing on the worship team and he was playing guitar with them. lol. And his mom is also on the worship team. (She’s really sweet.) I think tomorrow we’re watching a video on applying music theory to praise & worship. Yay for good Christian friends and music!!

(Verse 1) I have a maker,/ he formed my heart./ Before even time began/my life was in his hand. (Chorus) He knows my name,/He knows my every thought;/He sees each tear that falls/And hears me when I call. (Verse 2) I have a father, he calls me His own./He’ll never leave me, no matter where I go./Chorus/

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Sexploitation

(I’m in a thinky mood, so I’ll just keep writing…)

It’s amazing how much sex is abused in our society. I just saw a blog in which the author (obviously trying to be a creative storyteller and failing miserably) related the story of a girl and a guy having sex. They were obviously not married, and seemingly had no emotional attachment. The story ends with the girl getting bored, insulting the guy, and sending him off. Her body has been used (and there isn’t even a claim of “love”) and the guy’s ego is wounded. This is not how it’s supposed to be!! Sex was meant to be a beautiful thing, created by God for the enjoyment of a husband and wife, and to join them as one. And the shocking thing is that the rate of premarital sexual activity among professed Christian youth is not that different from those youth who claim no connection to Christ! (See Josh McDowell’s Right from Wrong for more information.) I can count on two hands (only) the people at my college who I know for a fact are virgins. ;(

•  Romans 13:13 “Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy.”
• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel (body) in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God…” [Don’t act like the people who don’t know God…plain and simple…]
• Mark 10:6-9 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
• 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. >>Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” [Sins against his (or her) own body? I don’t think I want to do that…]
• 1 Corinthians 7:4 “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” [We were created for our spouse and our spouse only.]

(Just check out 1 Corinthians 5-7. And also Leviticus 18, the chapter on unlawful sexual relations.)

The point is, God tells us not to have sex outside of marriage for a reason. It’s for our own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. It can be a difficult struggle, I know. But we all need to stand firm. No man who is not willing to make a permanent commitment should ever have a woman’s body; men should be protecting our health and our honor, not destroying it. And no woman should ever see a man as a conquest; making them fall should not be our victory.

I applaud those of you who are still virgins (and haven’t come near the line either). I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

(I know this has been a bit of a ramble, but the next time I write will be more coherent…)

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The most frightening thing…

Ever wonder what life would be like if there were no God? (Aside from the fact that nothing would exist…) There would be chaos, yes, and death and destruction. But the most frightening thing of all…there would be silence.

I was listening to the radio this morning (Spirit FM) and in one of the songs the singer says she couldn’t imagine life without Him. (Or something to that effect.) And I stopped to wonder, “What would life be like without God?” (Including Jesus and the Holy Spirit.) I tried to imagine…and all I heard was silence. If He did not exist, if he did not care, the world would be silent, and we would be utterly alone. Even when I’m not talking to God I can still feel his presence. I know He’s there, even when I’m not thinking about Him consciously. If there were no God (and we did in fact exist) the chaos would be terrible, the corruption overwhelming, and evil would reign…but the silence? That, my friends, is the most terrible thing.

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To want, or not to want…

Ever come to a place where you realize that you want something while at the same time you don’t? I have. It’s even more difficult when there are multiple things (or people) involved…

Recently I became very close to one of my guy friends, it didn’t work out, but it changed my whole persepctive on life and love. I think I agree with the old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” Before this guy was in my life, I was very lonely. I wondered if anyone would ever love me and be right for me. (I’d had quite a few guys interested, but none of them were right for me.) I finally found someone, but alas…it didn’t work out. lol. Even though nothing ever came of it, I have some experience and I feel like I’m special now. It’s one of those things God puts us through to help us grow. (Another “Whisper of Love” that I’ve had recently…a friend left flowers and poetry for me anonymously…) I can think of these things and remember that I am loved. 🙂

Now I just have to figure out where to go from here. I still love him, and I just might take him back (though he’d have to win my love back), but I don’t know if I want to. I love him, but I can’t wait for him, I need to move on to other things. I know a guy or two that I might be interested in (they would have to come after me though. lol.) and I’d kind of like to see if there might be something there, but I also don’t want there to be. (If that makes any sense whatsoever…)  But I realized, through a few things, that I just need to do what God says and go where He sends me, and everything will fall into place. The question is…what do I do until the time that God chooses to reveal His will for me in the area of Romance? And how can I remain peaceful and not think about it until then?

“(4) Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! (5) Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. (6) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (7) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 (8) Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (9)Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:4-9

This is what I need to do. I’m glad I’ve come to this place though, I’ve realized that I’ve been too anxious lately, and now I need to learn to be at peace and trust God completely. Thanks for listening to my semi-rant. Have a good night, and God bless. 🙂

[Edit] I’ve also come to the realization (as of this morning I think) that God may have saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. This guy I was involved with…if we started something now…it would not have been right. That’s not to say that God won’t “grow him” and change him to a place where we would be right for each other…but now? Nope. (But we will still remain very close friends.) Thank you Jesus! He is always taking care of us foolish humans, making sure we don’t do somethng silly.

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Whispers of Love…

I’ve realized recently that I tend to put a lot of my life and thoughts online. lol. I’ve decided that I don’t particularly like to use Myspace and facebook for blogging purposes. I had a Xanga and liked it, and now I’m going to try word press. I thought I’d start with something I wrote on my Xanga quite a while ago(www.xanga.com/LadyEowynofRohan03) that is even still an encouragement to me.

Whispers of Love…

You know how the things that you remember and cherish about people you love are the little, thoughtful things they do? Like when your dad stayed up all night helping you write a last minute report that you forgot to do, or when your mom suprises you with some special thing like a flower or a dress for a sepecial occasion. Or when your little brother used up all his crayons to make a picture just for you, or your good friend did or brought you something special for no reason? These are the things that endear us to one another, and our heavenly father is like that too. He sees the little things that we do for Him; praying before a meal, thanking him for something simple like finding the book you wanted. He also does simple things for us, he knows the desires of our hearts, spoken and unspoken. Remember my clarinet story? (see Xanga for these) Well, that was something fairly small that He did for me. Remember the camera story? I talked to the lady who loaned me the camera. She said that a few days after I had asked about borrowing her camera (which I had used before for another slideshow), her dad had a camera that he didn’t need and he called her up and said, “Hey, I have this camera that I’m not using, do you want it?” (God knew that the camera that I was going to use was broken.) So she asked him to drop it off at church for me, and he did. So I had a good camera to use for a couple of weeks! Abba, our heavenly father, loves us and he does simple things for us to show his love, just as our loved ones might do for us. If I’m having trouble finding something, I’ll say “God, can you help me find this?” and sometimes I turn around and TaDa! there it is. The thing is, never miss the little things he does by focusing too much on the big things that he hasn’t done yet. He still loves you, and if you look around at the beautiful earth, and take time to listen, you’ll hear him whisper in your ear, “I love you.”

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